Workers, Unite!

Subject:	Metamorphosis
Time:	10:45 pm.

A new time has come ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls: welcome the fuck home.

I am truly sorry about the lack of updates and the lack of contact I have kept with you guys. Things have changed, to say the least. I am now married and my son is born. I have graduated, am working, and am looking to get into grad school.

My spiritual evolution has culminated into complete atheism.

So, anyway, to Naril and Kess: I have acquired Soulstorm, however, it might be awhile before I can get adequate intertubes to play with you guys again. Hopefully in a month or two, maybe. I also need an adequate box to play, but, hopefully I'll get one for Xmas. I hope you guys are doing well.

To Random/Bill/Fang Tsu: Sorry about only talking to you about four times in as many years, but things have been hectic and my attention constantly pulled to other things.

To Jason/Jacksnow: EEEEEEEEYYYYYY. How's work and music working out for you?

To Tyler: I haven't been able to play the new 40k RPG, have you been able to? If so, is it everything good and glorious in this world?

To Everyone, Above Inclusive: Sorry about missing out on all your lives. I would love to read 2+ years of back journals, but, unfortunately, I have an infant, a wife, and a job which prevents me from doing that. Please enlighten me as to the pertinent changes lately.

Also, leave your latest AIM screenies for me to IM you guys once I get time and dedicated interwebz at my own place.

I love you all, to at least some extent. Peace.

Comments: 7 have been devoured - Feed the beast....

Subject:	I LIVE!
Time:	7:14 pm.

Contrary to popular opinion, I am not yet dead. I am much like Abe Vigoda in that regard. But not in any other, as far as I know.

Anyway, things have changed with me. A lot. My girlfriend is now my fiance and we are expecting to have a child in June. We are both exceedingly broke, but we are somehow kicking along.

There are many collegiate 'friends' whom I can now barely stand to be with because my own point of view has changed so much that I find little common among us, plus some of them were total dicks to my fiance and/or unborn child.

Um. I don't really know what else to say. I'm doing my thang, trying to get a pair of degrees and go to grad school. Life is looking difficult, but I think I can manage.

Shit, I'm finally growing up, so it seems.

Ask me any questions you might have (and, just to answer one right away: it is a boy).

Comments: 13 have been devoured - Feed the beast....

Time:

9:24 pm.

Like damn near every entry for the past year, I'm going to begin by saying that, yes, I am, in fact, still alive.

My summer went by kind of interestingly. I thought I might never see my girlfriend again, then her sister stepped from merely crazy to full-fucking psychotic and tried to stab her. So, she left her home and came to live with me and my mom. Now, I'm back at college and we're trying to find some place to live.

I worked at Walmart for 2 months of the summer. Now, she's working at Walmart. Curious cycle, or something like that.

So, I'm hoping to get two degrees in May. That'll be nice if that works out. I need to do more getting off my ass, first, though. Yeah.

I could elaborate more, but I've lost a lot of my pontific, exceptionally rambling prose style sometime in the past year.

Hope all of you are doing well and are still alive.

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Subject:	No news is good news
Time:	5:42 pm.

Man, this May has really improved. If, by improved, we mean went straight to hell.

Turns out my girlfriend's mom is not allowing her to return to college because she (the mom) needs her (girlfriend) to be there. Not for financial reasons, as far as I can tell, but bullshit emotional reasons.

Needless to say, but I'm saying it anyway, both of us are rather devestated by the matter. I don't know what the fuck I'm going to do about this, as I don't think there is a damn thing I can do aout it. And I don't know what she can do about the matter either. I've made some suggestions, but, that's been for naught.

So, now, I'm rather despairing. This is the happiest I've been in a long time. I don't know the mechanics behind why it made me happy, but it did. And I don't want her to leave. And she doesn't want to leave.

Make no mistake, I don't want her to stay her just for my benefit, although I certainly don't want her to leave, but I think college is a necessary thing for her to make something of her life that she wants.

And I don't know what the hell I'm going to do about this. This has made me so much happier than anything else.

It's all fucked up.

At anyrate, I continue to love all of you. I hope things are going much better for you than for me.

Comments: 1 have been devoured - Feed the beast....

Time:

9:19 am.

Hey, all. Sorry for seemingly ever-increasing gulfs between my updates.

I wish I had interesting things to report. I've seen Grindhouse, which is a good movie; I actually got great grades this semester, with the lowest grade being a B- (GPA of 3.4 this semester; 3.02 for the whole college career); still have a girlfriend, though shit's going on with her mom and he coming back to college next year is looking extremely shaky due to her mom being an obstinate, prideful bitch who won't let her daughter take student loans or any shit like that; the cats had fleas so we had to bathe them (each for the first time in years) and wash a shitload of things and spray for fleas and other such bullshit; I found a cool version of Dies Irae (ignore that it is only a single image video thing; I'm only listening to it on YouTube because that's where I found it); I need to learn how to budget better, as trips to Duluth with my friends end with me being broker than I want; and that's about it for new shit.

I'm basically living the life of a college student. Nothing terribly unique or interesting to tell to other people, as far as I think.

I don't really have much to wax philosophical on, sorry. Wish I did, but nothing's in my head as far as that goes.

Still love all of you. Keep things going strong.

Comments: Feed the beast....

Time:

4:51 pm.

I yet live. Sorry for the lack of updates. I've mostly been going to class and hanging out with my girlfriend.

So, anyway, I suppose I'll give a generalized update.

Classes have been going marginally well, aside from a few bad quiz/test grades and a lack of handing in papers. Beyond that, all is well academically.

I have a girlfriend now, which is a nice and new feeling to have. It would seem that fufilling that basic human need for romantic companionship has done wonders for my psyche, insofar as the crushing depressions I once felt are not crushing and more just intellectually sorrowful contemplations on things such as my inevitable death, the loss of all that I have, etc. Nothing fun, but it's ceased to be soul-crushing in nature. I don't know if that's due to happy hormones being released due to the increased intimacy I'm having in my life or if it is a 'permanent' thing (though, could be both, as it were).

The play I was in was cancelled, which doesn't bother me that much, as I was mostly a bit character and, as we were going to do Chicago and the score came in too late for the pit orchestra to learn the music, I'm not shocked that this decision was reached.

I'm also playing a lot of D&D (I'm DMing one campaign, am in another, am in a World of Warcraft RPG campaign, am in a game of Vampire: The Masquerade as a Nosferatu, and am planning on being in a few one shots and other such tomfoolery until school's out for the summer). That's an enjoyable experience with many quotable moments.

Beyond that, it's mostly the same old thing. I'm doing my quasi-philosophy, my love for Communism, etc. Wish I had more to report, but things seem to be mostly the same.

Love all of you and hope shit improves for those of you who have problems. Peace, namaste.

Comments: 5 have been devoured - Feed the beast....

Subject:	So...
Time:	2:50 pm.

I think I have a cold. That or the grippe. One of the two. It's settled in my throat and sinuses and is trying to kill me via mucus, but, Alka-Seltzer, cough drops, and Kleenex are providing much needed assistance.

Also, the girl I was originally pining for does not feel that way toward me. But, another girl does and we have something kind of casual going on, I suppose. It's kind of confusing me, but I'm getting to make out with a pretty cute girl, at least.

It does cause me to introspect on my own nature a rather lot, though. I'm wondering, even though my feelings are far from hollow and ingenuinous, if they, how would one say, capable of bridging the 'gap' inherent between humans. It's something I've sort of felt for all my life, but it's not been brought into the forefront due to the rapid escalation of things (namely, the rapid pace of that relationship with said girl). Even within my own family, people I've known for my entire life, people I know I should be able to trust, there still seems to be this gulf between myself and other people. It disturbs me profoundly. I do not know how to bridge this gap in the least and it is a rather vexing thing for me. I think if it weren't for this 'Ginnungagap' that I've always sort of felt, I wouldn't be nearly this nervous. I wonder if other people feel this, even unconciously. Is it like hearing the music of the spheres for the first time, to recognize this and realize it? I've noted this revelation before (one time during a friend's tea party, wherein we discussed philosophical ideas), insofar as all humans are utterly remote from their fellow man's thoughts, ideas, and emotions. However, this seems to be something of a slightly different, if highly related flavor, like two different citrus fruits. It just isn't my inability to directly know the state of the other's thoughts, emotions, ideas, and other qualia, but that the depth of emotion on either side of the breach does not affect that there will never be a joint there. That there is utter alienation and loneliness in all humans.

So, I wonder if other humans experience this as well. I wonder if I am not a unique creature in that regard, except that I voice myself. I know I cannot be, but I wonder how unusual and weird it is for me to remark on this and if this profound disconnect I feel is the usual state, or if there is a fundamental problem with me that I should seek help for, if there is help available to do such a thing.

Comments: 2 have been devoured - Feed the beast....

Time:

9:44 pm.

Hey all. I'm still alive. I don't really have much in the way of über-philosophical importance to add. I'm in classes, I'm in another play (Chicago, for those who care), I'm attracted to another girl and worried about my chances with her, I'm still depressed at times and happy enough at others, and so on. Standard shit with me.

If you want more specific stuff, just comment and I'll go into more detail on what you ask me for, I suppose.

Still love all of you. Keep it really real and keep yourselves as safe as possible.

Comments: 4 have been devoured - Feed the beast....

Time:

10:28 pm.

Not too much going on hither. I'm alive. I finished the semester and finished it badly, but apathy, depression, and unrequited love or some reasonable facsimile thereof kinda helped. That or it was entirely my fault for being lazy. Probably both. Oh well.

I think I'm transferring my ardor to another girl who is actually staying at the college and who I think I have more in common with. Hopefully that goes well.

I think that's about it. No major philosophical things flowing in my mind, at the moment. I haven't been too philosophical as of late, as I've been dealing with other concerns. Though, I suppose I have been, when I think about it. Oh well, I have some stuff to do in the house, so, I might elucidate on this sort of thing tomorrow.

I still love all of you. Happy holidays.

Comments: Feed the beast....

Subject:	Stuffs
Time:	7:46 am.

So, I told the girl that I'm attracted to her Tuesday last week. She still hasn't said anything about it besides the initial reply that she didn't know what to say.

Beyond that, I can continue going to college. I'm going to be in debt for years, but, whatever, I suppose.

I'm currently working on finals. Have a stats final in about 15 minutes, so, that's going to be just oodles of fun, I imagine. Yes, fun.

That's about it, really. Not much else going on with me that I can think about now. I might make some awesome post on Friday. But probably not. We'll see.

Love all y'all. Keep it real and the like.

Comments: 2 have been devoured - Feed the beast....

Time:

5:41 pm.

Sometimes I think I should start ascribing to at least vaguely religious or occult ideas, if only to explain some bizzare and somewhat depressing things in my life. For instance, this semester, I, for want of a better description, fell for a woman. I haven't told her as such yet, and might not ever at this point, because she's transferring out for lack of funds and other various bullshit provided by the college. As some of my longtime readers might recall, the girl who I fell for last year also did not stay at the college.

Further, this semester, I've been having vast problems with financial aid. Everytime I seem to find something to present to them that would vastly improve my situation, it comes up that they are actually in the right and that my sure footings are more akin to sand and ash. So, now, I'm owing the college $10,000 and I need to pay them soon so I can continue going to college.

This leads me to believe that I might have some fucked up psychic gift that is highly masochistic in nature, insofar as I choose things that will harm me. That, or there is a greater intelligence out there in the universe, and it is an asshole that enjoys my suffering.

Beyond that, not much is going on with me. I'm despairing over whether or not to tell the woman that I'm greatly attracted to her or just letting her leave without telling her because it would likely do me no good anyway. I'm also falling way behind in classes for a variety of reasons, from my own laziness to motivation being sapped away by the very real prospect that I will be unable to afford going to college for much longer.

Sorry for not having much in the way of sunshine and happiness, but I do what I can. If I get time in the near future, I shall write up some philosophy or something about my inner thoughts and feelings or just something more than my standard issue bitchfests. We'll see.

I still love all of you and still hope you all get the best. Namaste, yo.

Comments: 2 have been devoured - Feed the beast....

Time:

8:27 pm.

Sorry for not updating in roughly 20 days. It's just that very little has happened, basically. The play, Lysistrata, went pretty well. There was some shit going on with the former stage manager that was fraying everyone's nerves, but we put on a decent show. I managed to only fuck up a small portion of my lines as perhaps one of four male leads (kind of hard to tell if I was more important than one of three others).

Beyond that, I'm fucking up organic chem and Enlightenment Europe. :D I'm also insanely attracted to a woman who probably has me mostly in her periphery and she is also going to be gone next semester, and perhaps gone until next winter semester, anyway. It makes me so happy. I especially like how I can be sexually attracted to numerous women but only wanting a relationship from one and how my mind seems to be singularly focused on such things. Meh, contemptible flesh.

That's about it, really. Sorry for not saying much, I just don't have much to say.

Still love all of you. Namaste.

Comments: Feed the beast....

Time:

6:34 am.

Well. Shit. Yet another girl who I'm attracted to, and, once more, my social ineptitude has me wondering what the shit I have to do. D: So, I'm probably going to ask a friend about likely courses of action that result in me getting ~~poon~~ a relationship. And poon.

That's about it. Working on another play and more schoolwork and D&D and hopefully some free time that I can somehow turn into making this woman into my ladyfriend, as it were.

Still love all of you.

Comments: 1 have been devoured - Feed the beast....

Subject:	Sweet Zombie Monkey Jesus on a Pogo Stick
Time:	3:33 am.

I just finished Lord of the Night by Simon Spurrier. Firewarrior was good. This makes Firewarrior look like shit. I got this book on Thursday and it's now Saturday. And I've had class, 5 hours of lab, and played D&D for four hours on Thursday mind you. This is one of the better books I've read, classical literature be damned.

Seriously, holy shit, get that fucking book. If you have even a mild interest in 40k, you will get this book and read the ever-living shit out of it. I'm fucking giddy right now after reading it. Giddy. It ended by tieing up just enough loose ends while leaving room for a badass sequel or something, perhaps. Or just letting me, the reader, wonder what sort of adventures wait for our pseudo-protagonist and actual protagonist.

Seriously, this is great fiction. I simply loved it.

And, now, to begin False Gods so I can further witness the decline and fall of the Imperium of Man and the start of the Horus Heresy. I just might piss my pants in excitement.

Comments: 7 have been devoured - Feed the beast....

Time:

2:12 pm.

Nothing much has been going on with me. I've mostly been dealing with classes and playing D&D once or twice a week with my friends. That's really about it. Organic Chem's kind of difficult and kind of annoying, but also pretty fun from time to time. Microbiology is the same way. Stats is kind of meh. I imagine it might be a bit less meh if I didn't have the class at 8:30 in the AM. Enlightenment Europe could be much better, but I'm going to stick with it, if nothing else than to learn how to deal with something I have to do but don't want to. The professor (who is also the dean) is a good guy, but the class isn't being taught as I'd like it to be. Oh well.

D&D's pretty fun, but last night kind of sucked. Had about 4 spectators who kept interrupting so it just ruined the session for me. Hopefully there won't be another repeat of that.

So, yeah, things have been revolving around school for me. Peace, love all you.

Comments: 2 have been devoured - Feed the beast....

Subject:	Arrr, bilgepumps, buxom wenches, and so forth.
Time:	6:26 pm.

I really fucking hate cyclic carbon molecules. Mainly because I can't particluarly figure out their fucking naming schemata. WHERE DOES THE NUMBERING START? At the closest thing branching off of it? Wherever you feel like? Fucking carbon rings.

At least I get to play with potentially lethal stuff during labs.

EDIT: Also, the comp lab computer keyboards aren't particularly well suited to speed typing. Too many letters get transposed. :(

EDIT, PART DEUX: I really fucking hate carbon ring structures. Damn IUPAC should really standardize where the damn bonds are based on clockwise direction or something. That'd make things a bit simpler, me thinks. BLARGH, FUCKING BLARGH. Stupid carbon rings.

Comments: 1 have been devoured - Feed the beast....

Subject:	Ganked from pixiedash
Time:	10:11 pm.

IF YOU'RE ON MY FRIENDS LIST,
I want to know things about you. I don't care if we've never talked, never liked each other, or if we already know everything about each other. I really don't. You are obviously on my list, so let me know with whom I am friends! (Post in comments)

1. Your Middle Name:
2. Age:
3. Single or Taken:
4. Favorite Movie:
5. Favorite Song:
6. Favorite Band/Artist:
7. Dirty or Clean:
8. Tattoos and/or Piercings:

HERE COMES THE FUN ... ... ...

1. Do we know each other outside of Live Journal?
2. Whats your philosophy on life?
3. Would you have my back in a fight?
4. Would you keep a secret from me if you thought it was in my best interest?
5. What is your favorite memory of us?
6. Would you give me a kidney?
7. Tell me one odd/interesting fact about you:
8. Would you take care of me when I'm sick?
9. Can we get together and make a cake?
10. Have you heard any rumors of me lately?
11. Do you/have you talk(ed) crap about me?
12. Do you think I'm a good person?
13. Would you drive across country with me?
14. Do you think I'm attractive?
15. If you could change anything about me, would you?
16. Would you come over for no reason just to hang out?
17. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you?

Comments: 8 have been devoured - Feed the beast....

Subject:	Ganked from gerbilsage
Time:	4:35 pm.

A Black Bishop
You scored 2 Power-Finesse, 3 Leader-Follower, 4 Unique-Ordinary, and 0 Offense-Defense!

You are conniving and sneaky, and often overlooked by your opponent. You are content to stay off to one side, allowing the bloodbath to ensue. Then, when the moment is right and the other king has let his guard down you strike! Your indirect approach to things gives your team more options. However, in the big picture you are expendable. No matter how hard you try, you can only reach half the squares on the board.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 99% on Power-Finesse

You scored higher than 99% on Leader-Follower

You scored higher than 99% on Unique-Ordinary

You scored higher than 99% on Offense-Defense

Link: The What Chess Piece Are You Test written by Gundark27 on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Also, just played capture the flag for two hours. Would have liked to play more, but, I have to work in the comp lab now. :(

Also, I need to pay the business office about $1300. D: Looks like I'm going to have to call my mom and talk to Financial Aid some more.

Comments: 4 have been devoured - Feed the beast....

Time:

1:43 pm.

This semester looks fantastic. Yes, so very fantastic. How fantastic you ask?

Well, I'm taking four classes, and two of them are science and one is math. I'm taking microbiology, organic chemistry, stats, and Enlightenment Europe.

My class schedule looks a little something like this:

Moon Day
8:30-9:20 Stats
9:30-10:20 Enlightenment
10:30-11:20 Organic Chemistry
13:30-14:20 Microbiology

Tyr Day
8:30-9:20 Stats
12:30-14:20 Organic Chemistry

Woden Day
8:30-9:20 Stats
9:30-10:20 Enlightenment
10:30-11:20 Organic Chemistry
13:30-14:20 Microbiology

Thor Day
8:30-10:20 Stats
12:30-14:20 Organic Chemistry
14:30-17:20 Microbiology

Freya Day
9:30-10:30 Enlightenment
10:30-11:20 Organic Chemistry
13:30-14:20 Microbiology

So, yeah, Thursdays are gonna suck big time. Oh well. Hopefully I still have a good enough handle on mathematics to keep up with stats. If not, I can sacrifice my lunches for elementary logic which is a MWF class from 12:30-1:30. I'll have to make sure of that in less than two weeks, though. OH BOY.

At least I should be decent enough at Organic Chemistry and Microbiology. Enlightenment Europe should be my "easy" class, all things considered. Writing papers and absorbing historical facts are quite easy for me.

Comments: Feed the beast....

Subject:	It's really fucking late and I should probably go to bed.
Time:	3:40 am.

But, I'll probably do something else instead. Because I'm apparently a fucking moron.

Well, school's going to start in 6 days for me. It's probably not going to be entirely too fun because I'm going to have to talk to a prof. and see if I can get into his class. If not, then I'm going to have to drop it. If so, I'm going to have to drop another class. This semester's probably not going to be the funnest, I imagine. Mostly because if things go how I want, I will have to juggle a job, being in a play, and two classes that are likely to be excessively difficult (stats and organic chem). If I can't get into biochem, though, things should be easier as far as things to do this semester. However, it'll be more difficult in the long run due to stuff I need for my theoretical bio major. Also, I should probably do something about signing the papers for a major this year. And talk with some people about how close I am to actually graduating and what I should be thinking about as far as what I need to do for some graduating classes.

And if I still want to major in biology anyway. I still love the science, but I don't know if I'm necessarily of the right mindset and abilities to advance human knowledge in some way. Of course, I will also have to talk to my history professor/student advisor about possiblities of employment in history-related fields. I suppose if I do either one I could get a museum job, which should theoretically rock.

I'd also like more of an idea of what I want to do with my life, precisely.

I'd also like to know what the hell is up with my connection here at home. I'd say it was Cebridge assaulting net neutrality if it weren't for the seeming randomness of pages not loading and the fact that some pages are slow to load anyway. I also don't understand why I can't connect to Hotmail or Fark, if it were Cebridge assaulting NN. I can understand, say, being slow on uploading stuff from YouTube, but not letting me access Hotmail at all. It could just be that I'm out in the sticks and it's been storming a lot lately.

Oh well, I'll attempt to get sleep now. Or, perhaps, watch some Eva.

Comments: 2 have been devoured - Feed the beast....

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